I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Rumble strips road head = magical
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
