We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
