I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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