I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize