I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
