i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We left the knife in your bed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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