My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
