I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
