I'm jealous of your bromance
no, he came in my armpit
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
