I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
