just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
zippers are such a cool invention
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
