You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ttyl tear gas
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
