Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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