new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
