Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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