Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize