We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
