Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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