Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
