areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
