i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
