i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
