So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
