Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
