ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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