what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
accomplished twins. life is a go
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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