put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
