So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
