So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
