Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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