He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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