I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
