Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
