he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
