why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
