I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
