I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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