I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
