My entire life is one complicated drinking game
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
