There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
