I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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