im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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