If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
