I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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