the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
