I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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