Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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