He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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