feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
