You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
