you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
