I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
