yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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