Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
