but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
