Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize