I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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