Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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