So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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