dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
