i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
