then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
