if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
