i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
