More tranny stories later!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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