dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
