My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
