just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
