YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
