Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
