You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
