Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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