when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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