Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
