You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why do cheetos always look like penises
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
