i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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