Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
