trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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