Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i already hear my dad disowning me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
