DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize