maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize