oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
