There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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