This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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