I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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