Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
