They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
