So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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