You made me cry and you don't even care
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
