I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
