he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
